Hot Mess Mode

Let’s talk vacations. Is it just me? Right before I go on a vacation, ESPECIALLY if it’s an adults only vacation, I make certain to book all of my “fixer upper” appointments for a day or two before we leave. I pull out all the stops. If I can’t get it together and look good then, it is just not going to happen. I’m at 100%. However, the weeks leading up to these appointments? Hot Mess Mode. At this moment in time, I’m pretty embarrassed to go outside, much less run into someone. I booked an appointment at “The Brow Bar” by me. It’s a first timer consultation and takes 30 minutes. They go over your face and tell you what your perfect eyebrow arch should be, and sculpt it so you can get it to look that way. Of course, I needed my brows threaded like yesterday, but the appointment isn’t for another 2 weeks and I want them grown as much as possible so they can sculpt my perfect arch. Until then, I’ll look like I have two caterpillars, Moe and Larry, chillaxing on my lids. Perfect. Next up, my hair. I actually did have an appointment for today, but something came up and I needed to reschedule. When I was asked about what date I’d like to come in, I started thinking…”hmmm if I push it back a week, that would work BUT if I push it back until a day or two before I leave, then I’ll be freshly blond with a nice cut”….until then, a baseball cap it is. If I tilt the brim low enough maybe it will be like Moe and Larry are in witness protection. Nobody can see them!

What nobody else can see (or should see) is this white, pasty body in a bathing suit. Mind you, I haven’t eaten carbs in weeks, so naturally I bought a bikini. Yep. All it takes is low carb and going someplace outside of the country and I’ll rock the heck out of that suit…on Day One… before I’ve had a vat of Pina Coladas. I’ve got one pieces for the remaining days. But there’s a Day One bikini so of course I’ve set up a tanning appointment. I’m hoping the Tan Fairy can spray a 6 pack on my stomach and some definition in my arms. People say you can look 10lbs lighter with a tan, so I say…Don’t say it, just spray it! I do need to tell her to make it a light golden brown this time. The last time I used her, I started out looking like mocha choka lata color because of the cocoa powder finish. You can click on the link below to see for yourself. And yes, that is my FAVORITE snapchat filter. It faded after a day, but I don’t have the luxury of time. So hopefully it’s not too bad…especially with my newly bright blond head. All I need to do is whiten my teeth and they’ll be able to see my in Jamaica before I even get on the plane. Glowing aside, at least I’ll have nicely arched brows.

Coming back to my bathing suit. Wowza. I ordered a good $500-$600 worth of clothing on Amazon. (All of which offered free returns and I figured most would be going back). I am pleasantly surprised how much of it I actually liked. The hubs even liked it, but that’s just because he hasn’t seen the credit card bill yet. I’ll be taking pictures to get your feedback…once I have my 6 pack sprayed on…and will give you guys the links if you like or want for yourself. The highest priced item was $29.00! Stay tuned…


Hot Mess Express Melissa

(At least for the next 2 weeks)

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